first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
