After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
