my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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