i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
