Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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