i don't like sucking hair
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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