think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
