I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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