Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
