chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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