That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
