I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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