it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
