i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
