Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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