I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
