This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
