Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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