the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
wow bdsm is so cute
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
