Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
