just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
