she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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