I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
