mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
