She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
