She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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