We won't sleep together?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
