So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?