Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
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Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.