you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.