I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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