I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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