you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize