I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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