he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
