I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
