please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
