i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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