I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry about my life...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
