I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
