My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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