So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.