The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once