Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.