I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.