I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch