just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.