Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.