I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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