He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?