you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
