This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
