Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize