burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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