p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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