Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
