yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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