all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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