So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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