saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
