so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
smell my finger.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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