The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You may now shotgun with the bride
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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