I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
