she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
