It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
