At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
