We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The beer is more important than you right now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
