I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
