my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
