And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
