Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
