I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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