so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
