also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
