does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
