I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
