why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize