drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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