I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
