Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
