omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
