Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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