I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
