This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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