a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
